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Showing posts from 2017

Nola Darling: The Side Effects of the Loving Bed

Hey Sista Gurls, She's Gotta Have It is a great series, and we couldn't help but write a few posts about the social issues portrayed in such a great piece of work. Here is the kick off, stay tuned for more. Capt Sista Gurl :)
In American culture men receive the luxury of dating many women and being identified as a man’s man, a playboy, and a stud. He is admired by his ability to maneuver through multiple women at a time as a hero. When watching "rom coms" you typically can find a lead male who “isn't ready to settle down” and then finds some magic woman (or ghost)  who possess a fierce underwear and shoe collection that makes him laugh and supports him in a way he always needed. It is very rare that this man is called out for his insurrection prior. And if he does, it's when he's already became love struck by some captivating woman; and his decades or bad behavior creep in and he makes a huge mistake.

Nola Darling has three very different men in her life.…

My Chat with Kenny Lattimore

This past Thursday Afternoon, I had the pleasure of attending the Mocha Cafe's #SaluteHer17: Beauty of Diversity awards ceremony. It was an awards ceremony honoring black women in our communities who have paved the way as innovators and trailblazers. I love award ceremonies centered towards black women because they give me all the SistaGurl energy I can stand. It was so Sista-centered that it was sponsored by Toyota, 106.3 (Mocha Radio), and ORS Hair Care. You know what that means? The freebies were oh so perfect.  Another special surprise for me, was having the pleasure of speaking with a man with over 20 years of experience in the music industry.

I must say that prior to meeting Kenny Lattimore, I had all these assumptions as to his character, based on my favorite point of contention, spin media. A couple of years ago, he was vilified publicly over personal issues with his then wife Chante Moore in regards to a custody battle. Isn’t ironic that I know this? How the media likes t…

What I should have said. #CabrylChats

I was interviewed on Facebook Live a couple of days ago, about Seasons of Shedding and Regrowth. The day of the interview, I was in the process of unpacking a load of pain, worry, and doing a great deal self-loathing. So I the show’s host earlier that day, “ Right now may not be the time to speak on this.”
The interview was set several weeks prior, and my fear in that moment, was that my pain and turmoil would make me a fraud. So how would I be able to deliver the correct message when I was as ANGRY as I was? The thing about time though, is everything that we do, every purpose we serve, and every pain we feel is supposed to be experienced at the exact time that we are going through it. I do not believe in coincidence or mistakes. So I had no idea when I accepted the interview that I’d be feeling the way that I did, but the creator did. I understood that, and proceeded.

There were some things that I wasn’t able to articulate properly at the time, because I was so busy being plain cloth…

Sisterhood or Nah?

As of late, there’s been rumblings of Facebook groups that are geared towards exposing men of their infidelity. “Sis is this your man?” is the name of the new group. First thing I want to mention is the irony of the title. SIS? Really?? Whomever created this group or series of groups is mocking the hell out of sisterhood by the mere mention that she is your sister. Naturally if she was, you’d be more careful with her heart than to publicly/within a private group of spectators, oust her and her man.
Real quick in case you don’t know how to have that conversation if it happens to you, I’ll tell you. I’ve been on all sides of this so trust me, I’m speaking from experience. It’s best to first ask the woman how she’s doing, to tailor the tone of your voice to not sound TOO EXCITED about the news, maybe ask her how her relationship is, to gauge what’s going on with her and her mate. Then ask her if someone had some information about his dishonesty would she want to know. IF SHE SAYS NO. CH…

Fall Galore

By Jah Bee

It's that time of year again when the melody of our beloved Earth, Wind and Fire rings a special place in our heart. The beauty of the leaves changing color and beginning to fall from the trees captures our attention. While the sounds of school bells ringing and the feel of a cool breeze on sunny days, reminds us that my favorite season is here, AUTUMN! I love everything about this time of year. The apple cider, pumpkin patches, Halloween, my son's birthday (side note), and the FASHION!!! Yes! The fashion.  This year I have not followed one trend. I don't know if it's the busy schedule of being a new mom or my own personal transformations but I am not abreast to the latest fashion trends. Although I do and will always love fashion and my style. The key factors to great style are effortless and timeless pieces. Therefore always keep classic pieces and outfits in your wardrobe for each season. So if you can't or decide not to shop the trend, you will always …

Open Relationship: The 24 hour Experience

By Gabryelle Giselle
24 hours doesn't seem like a long time, but a lot can happen in that time frame. While being in a committed relationship, sometimes we get so focused on providing that we forget about our spouse. We forget what else they need to feel secure in the relationship. Intimacy is one of the most important things but it’s usually the first thing that is sacrificed. 
Most people aren’t openly willing to participate in situationships that begin and end at amazing sex. If there is a sexual attraction between two people involved in their own relationships, it’s instantly viewed as unacceptable. Why?
At some point, you cannot be there to fulfill all the needs of your spouse. Sex is definitely one that takes the hit when it really doesn’t have to, well not in my relationship.
That’s right. My boyfriend and I have the 24 hour rule. For one day, once a month, we are free and open to enjoy life as we seek fit. Of course there are rules that we both agreed on, but it allows us to…

Ask a Black Man

Hello, my Name is Neroamee Alucard, and this is from a guy's perspective. No, Neroamee isn't my real name but it's my pen name, I'm writing this under my pen name because I'd lose my guy pass if they caught wind of me spilling all this information.

Anyway, Capt Sista Gurl who runs this wonderful blog needed some male help to answer these questions. We received quite a few of them which we're very thankful for. Now let's get down to the answers.
Q: Do men care if a woman makes them wait to have sex?
Answer: No. As long as you're upfront about it. We don't mind waiting but you can't tease someone without the intention of pleasing. That's how you get left on read, and we move on.
In other words, you know that show on Netflix you spent all of last month binging on? You've seen all the cliffhangers and you're at the end. But when u get to the end, it is absolute garbage? Blueballs (male slang for being teased and not getting anything out of …

Bearded Black Brilliance

On a 94 degree fall day in Chicago today,  I woke up and immediately began to scroll down my facebook timeline. This is fairly normal behavior that I need to improve on. However, I noticed that nearly EVERY post was related to a new group called Beard Game Matters.

It's full of mostly black men with beards. That's enough for all you ladies to immediately exit this screen and beg for an add. Stick with me anyway! Single ladies, married ladies, and ladies whose relationship statuses are “complicated” jumped at the chance to swoon at the revived trend of masculine male sex appeal.

For just a few minutes..or maybe 2 hrs according to some, you will find that GOD is real by the pure majesty in which he has created some of the most handsome men in the U.S.
What I love most about this group is the fact that the owner Mike McMillan's social media branding has propelled him into a group membership of nearly 200k people. That is nothing to sneeze at!

I also love the fact that even on a s…

Would the Younger You Like you?

Have you ever sat down in adult hood and had a conversation with the childlike version of yourself? I am nearly certain that when you do, you will notice that the expectations the 7 year old version of yourself had, and the reality that you live in now.. does not REMOTELY sync.

Albert Einstein said, "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one". As we get older our ability to dream is deffered by the apex of our reality.

We see things a lot differently at 35, then we did at 25, then we did at 19, then we did at 12. Why is that? I believe the older we become, the more aware of "reality" we become. So when time begins to pass us, and things continue not to work in our favor, we start to do things to heighten our fear, and suppress our real desires. I must also mention that fear as an adult is masked in a couple of different things. STABILITY. SECURITY. SETTLING. COMFORTABLE. LAZINESS.

Those are fear based tactics. Once you're of a certain age, yo…

How to Win an ARGUMENT

Are you the person in the relationship who always bends and never wins the argument? Does  your partner always find a way to make a point that shuts you down? Would you like to WIN an argument for a change? I can help. BUT I WILL NOT. Not because you are not one of my favorite people, it’s just the opposite. It’s because I care.

In relationships, there is no such thing as a won argument. Anytime communication reaches a point to where dialogue has transitioned to name calling and adversarial mechanisms, you have both lost. No one is listening, and what resonates when the two of you are done “Getting your point across”; is a bunch of negative sounds bites or texts that you wait too long to delete. Which, only make the situation worse.  

Everyone doesn’t have a MBA in Public Relations so arguments are a completely natural occurrence. We all at some point let our ego take lead to our consciousness and forget to adhere to reason.

Here are a few simple steps on improving communication with you…

Auntie Maxine vs. Trump

Throwback Post (I was going through my old posts that weren't posted during election season and found this gem! I thought now would be a great time to post it because Auntie Maxine Waters had an answer to Trumps call to action for African American voters! Check it out! ) 

P.S. If you don't follow Maxine Waters on twitter you are missing out trust me.
Donald Trump really wants the African American vote in the November election. He is currently pulling out all the stops, we have seen him speak at African American Universities, held press conferences in our communities, spoken to us directly, and carved out a comprehensive plan to dissuade * African Americans to leave the democratic party. A party in which African Americans have widely supported for about 50 years. He is familiar with the African Diaspora and knows that we are in urgent need of respect, reform, and empathy for the many struggles that we face both systematically and publicly. Finally, a candidate that gets us!

What …