By Gabryelle Giselle
24 hours doesn't seem like a long time, but a lot can happen in that time frame. While being in a committed relationship, sometimes we get so focused on providing that we forget about our spouse. We forget what else they need to feel secure in the relationship. Intimacy is one of the most important things but it’s usually the first thing that is sacrificed.
Most people aren’t openly willing to participate in situationships that begin and end at amazing sex. If there is a sexual attraction between two people involved in their own relationships, it’s instantly viewed as unacceptable. Why?
At some point, you cannot be there to fulfill all the needs of your spouse. Sex is definitely one that takes the hit when it really doesn’t have to, well not in my relationship.
That’s right. My boyfriend and I have the 24 hour rule. For one day, once a month, we are free and open to enjoy life as we seek fit. Of course there are rules that we both agreed on, but it allows us to “be free from the cage” of our relationship. It works because we have the same approach to sex. We both look at sex as an act. We can engage in the act and never get emotionally attached.
It's definitely not for everyone. Being secure in yourself and the relationship is important, but trust and honesty keep the doors of opportunity unlocked. Getting on the same page might be hard for some, but it was rather easy for us. We both entered conversation with the same goal in mind, stay true to who we are and if someone cannot accept the things that are embedded in us then we don't need their time or company. We told our truths and the rest is history. We know we are both unicorns when it comes to what traditional ethics are, and were one hundred percent ok with being different from everyone else.
A few of our rules…..
Rule 1: Communication. Although there may be some fear, truth is, saying how you feel and owning that your feelings are real allows a genuine conversation to take place. It’s not blaming the person for not fulfilling your needs but addressing that you’re needing something to stimulate your happiness.
Rule 2: Trust and Honesty. You have to trust your mate will make good decisions regarding the type of person they are dealing with. Choosing wisely matters. A single person looking for love wouldn't be the smartest candidate, but a single person with minimal expectations could work. Being honest with the other party involved is the hardest part. You cannot control how another person will feel about you, however, you can control what you put out. Telling the truth allows someone to make a choice to deal with your type of lifestyle.
Rule 3: Protection. Protecting your relationship should be the first step before anything happens. Get tested, have the potential person tested if they are willing to be a participant. Nothing worse than having fun and people’s lives get ruined unnecessarily. Be an adult.
Rule 4: Plan Accordingly. Your partner should have a heads up. If you're going to engage, then allow your partner to potentially use their 24 hours while you use yours. Blowing off your spouse for a booty call is a big no no. Your relationship comes first so the respect of each other's time should take place. Because this is a unique situation, being honest about when you're ready to engage with someone else will allow your spouse to see why the time frame chosen is when you need to release.
We chose this 24 hour rule to remain true to who we were before we started dating. Dating is hard. So many people put on a facade about who they really are. There's no need to feel ashamed about what has you sexually interested in someone. People will hide their sexual urges as if they aren't normal, we choose accept ours. It's not cheating if you know and agree. Most people pretend that they aren't ok with certain things because they choose to label it unrealistically. What you choose to label should be a reflection of what you're ok with as an individual but can continue to be as an item without shame.
Capt Sista Gurl here!
Gabryelle is one of our new guest writers on SGB and we are elated to share her work. If you are interested in writing with us, please feel free to email at Lauramillerwroteit@gmail.com.
Stand in your light queens!