Skip to main content

Ready to Sign Them Papers? (Usher Voice) SistaGurl's Guide to Divorce Series

By Felicia Clark 

“Dissolution of Marriage and Marital Settlement.” I read these words to myself as I stood in line at the courthouse. It was four sheets of paper, front and back. The breakdown of my marriage. 7 years broken down into 4 sheets of paper. 


Paper like any other that can be torn, shredded, and ruined by water. It felt like my marriage was as easily ruined as the paper I was holding in my hands. "What the hell is this?" I asked as I stepped closer in line.

Seven years prior, we were in such a rush to get married. We went down to City Hall to get the marriage license. We were so proud to have obtained it. The day of the wedding, I jumped out of bed. I was tripping all over myself. I couldn't contain my excitement. 

I had on a short peach A-line dress and he wore a nice peach button down shirt and slacks. We looked very cute. And happy. As we made the walk from underground parking towards City Hall, we held on tight to each other’s hands. I glanced over at my soon to be husband, and said to myself,  “I will love and cherish you for the rest of my life.”

Fast forward seven years and there I was at the very same courthouse to receive more paperwork to dissolve my marriage...this wasn't the first time I tried to dissolve my union. Saying goodbye to everything I believed he was, and attempting to say hello to everything he was not. My husband turned out to be a con man and left like hell-fire with another woman. “I’m stronger this time”, I thought as I stepped closer to the lady at the window. 

(I'll further explain). I filed about a year ago (year 6 of my marriage), at the urging of my friends. But, truthfully speaking, I was not ready. So much so that
when I made the decision to end my marriage the first time, it wasn't even my decision. 

That showed because I dragged myself out of bed and went to the courthouse. Dressed in my pajamas and a head scarf, with dark circles around my eyes complimented by the bags underneath them from crying and lack of sleep. I was depressed and looked every bit of it. A far cry from when we got married. 

When it was my turn at the counter, I burst into tears. I was ashamed and filled with guilt. I watched her stamp the forms with the heavy red stamp that read in bold red letters FILED. I felt nauseated each time she hit the paper. But like I said, I wasn't ready, so I conveniently found myself unable to obtain his signature, by the deadline required. Literally and figuratively staying married a bit longer. (This way he would have enough time to beg for forgiveness and we could move forward towards reconciliation.) 

Fast forward to Year 7 of the marriage, I journeyed back to the courthouse. This time, I’m ready. I’m tired. I stopped waiting on his call and as a matter of fact I hoped he wouldn't.  What’s that saying? I was very ready to divorce this man.  I was no longer in shock and I’m okay with that concept. 

And if for some strange reason my friends were to tell me to reconsider or to take my time, it would certainly fall on deaf ears. I am not a failure, I didn't do anything wrong, I seek no pity. I was READY.

It was finally my turn in line; I give a slight smile. I hand the familiar woman the papers. She again stamped FILED on each one of them. In my mind I wondered if my 50% coupon off a large Iced Mocha Latte was still good. This lady better hurry up. I have shit to do.



Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing with us such a personal story! The decision to divorce is never an easy one, I know you'll agree with me. When couples get frustrated by the efforts they make for years to resolve the conflicts between them and divorce is the only possible solution they always feel lost. But happy life exists even after divorce. Never loose hope for better!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's Not Love, it's Love Adjacent

It’s my thought that the heart and the mind take turns in sharing authority in how we pattern our personal decisions. They cannot both be in control at the same time, and I believe that there’s a celestial straw pulling to determine which will rule within each given moment. The dangerous part about this is, sometimes when the heart wins, we forget to use our brain . When this happens, we start making decisions that are completely passion driven, hunger driven, and backed behind a receptor that shouldn’t receive as much showtime as it’s getting. Sometimes you fall in love with someone that is all wrong for you. They don’t feed you spiritually, they don’t feed you mentally, and maybe they don’t respect you. But they have ONE or two things on our list, so we keep them around. But by osmosis, all the signs that you saw in the beginning appear a bit less obvious, and now you THINK you love this person. Your heart is in control and your brain is taking a break, your brain has

Ladies, Make Him Act Right! (From a man's perspective)

So ladies, we have a tendency to get advice from women about MEN far more than we should. So I have a special treat today. We're going to get some advice on how to entice, encourage, and exalt a man from you guested it.. A MAN. I picked one, who speaks with the sole purpose to educate. So some of his language may be a bit harder than you're used to but.. you will not be disappointed. Capt SistaGurl Out!  Introducing Tikko Brohey  Ladies do you feel like “dudes ain’t shit” or “dudes don’t act right?” Have you ever thought about the things you do that contribute to that? The answer is probably not.  Now granted there are dudes out there who just ain’t shit, and that’s just what it is. Majority of men are good men. But his partner can often determine just how good he'll actually be. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen, as every man deserves to be treated like a king. The disconnect comes from when there’s an argument all the King and Queen shit is out the

The Black Freak

Recently Nicki Minaj received a wax statue at Madame Toussads wax museum in Las Vegas. Although this is a huge honor, there have been recent reports stating that her statue requires extra security surrounding it. Spectators at the museum have been flashing photos of her likeness in very indecent poses.  Why? Well, because she's on all fours and half naked. Now, I've never been to this place but I went on the website, and viewed a few statues, the only other one half naked, but standing is..RIHANNA. Nicki Minaj in my opinion has willingly fashioned her persona into a modern day Sarah Bartmaan . For those of you unfamiliar, she is best known as the Venus Hottentot, and in life she was an African Woman turned Dutch, turned French tourist attraction, turned science experiment. This is real, look it up if you don’t believe me. Anyway, I say this about Onika because, like Sarah, when there was a rescue attempt to save her, she said (according to history),