Doin Just Fine
By Felicia Clark
Capt SistaGurl here! I was in an R&B YouTube whole and found this goodie. After reading the pain in the comments and the undertones in the track, I reached out to Felicia Clark, and asked her to pen something REAL. Check it out!
I’m a writer. I’m an author. I’ve been given the opportunity to walk in my truth. To do what I love...what I breathe for. With writing, there is the creation of scenario and characters. Some of which translate into real life. What if I told you that although I walk around with the biggest brightest smile on my face, that I wasn’t alright? Far from fine! What if I told you that there was a life that I once had that was suddenly snatched away? I was vulnerable enough to get duped into making some traumatic life altering decisions that brought my entire house down. It happened. Oh boy, did it happen.
The man that I was married to, the one I truly adored, hurt me. He hurt me in such a way that I may never recover. I allowed him to make a fool out of me. I thought I was being a good wife by helping him improve his life, but I was blindly unaware that he was not improving mine. I breathed this man. I even went so far as to pay HIS child support. Eventually, to push the gamut further, I raised his kids. He seemed unenthused with being their father. Something I realized after the fact. But, I didn’t want to rock the boat. After all, I meant the love that I gave to them. With all of my heart. I meant it.
All that love wasn't enough to keep him from snatching them away in the end. He took them from their siblings (my biological children), schools, friends, home, stability...me. Although he wouldn't have had them if I hadn’t signed on the dotted line (you see, he had a bad background, I did not) he still snatched them away. Thus tearing the entire house down. And shattering my heart. I ask myself, “What did I do that was so bad?” So bad that I have to miss the holidays and grandchild that has been created. All these thoughts while knowing that he gets to receive these benefits, from an opportunity that he was afforded on my back. EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T WANT TO. But, I’m a trooper. I know that I deserve better. I’m fine.
Karma reared its ugly head and became the bitch that he often times called me when we separated. Striking him with an illness that he’s having difficulty recovering from. He’s now a fragment of the man he used to be. He’s in a toxic situationship...with the same woman he left me for. Meanwhile, I’ve been published three more times. I’ve grown into my own, for the most part. But my heart hurts. My heart hurts for the man that I thought he was. For the children...my babies that he ripped from me. But, as I write this article, I want you to know that I’m fine. Trust me, I’m doing just fine.