Skip to main content

The Thing About EXPECTATIONS


By Rapmusiq 

‘Coffee/Tea with David’ the message said. ‘Yay! I hope he’s dope and recognizes the dopeness in you’ was my response. ‘No expectations’ she said. That’s bullshit! was my final deliberation four days later as I recalled the conversation. No assumptions, no expectations, that’s a thing people say when they want to avoid disappointment and its more intense older brother; suffering.

If we’re honest with ourselves, the entire human experience is built around expectations and assumptions. Fear is often the result of what happens when we don’t have them. This is the reason why a significant portion of the population is afraid of death. (They don’t know what to expect).
   
Think about it. We base the majority of our lives on previous experience. When we wake up in the morning, we expect to open our eyes.  When we put the key in the ignition and turn it forward, we expect the car to start. When you sit in a chair you expect it to hold your weight. We wouldn’t even have comedy if not for expectations and assumptions. It is only when these things are turned on their head that it illicits the laughter response.
  
 We go into each day only armed with what we have learned up until that point. From there we proceed accordingly. It takes conscious effort to open ourselves and not let our previous experience color our expectations, especially if that previous experience has been negative.  For some reason, negative experiences digs its heals into the grooves of our brain and often sticks with us in new situations.

I guess what I’m saying is that it is human and normal to have expectations, despite what our more highly evolved friends might say. In fact, it might even be helpful, that instead of pretending that we don’t have them, we should in fact embrace them. We should identify our expectations and assumptions in order to challenge and combat them. We should work actively to make ourselves comfortable with the fact that they may not be reached.

I have found myself in the last few weeks being ashamed of my hopes and expectations. And yet somehow still drowning in disappointment. This disappointment brought further shame. I suppose, I’m writing this for myself and others to give permission.  

Assumptions happen. 

I think the key might be to avoid getting stuck in them. To allow your hearts and minds to be flexible. And in the times when you find yourself in disappointment to accept it. I think we get stuck when entitlement creeps in.

When we create a narrative of what’s ‘suppose to’ happen or how thing ‘should be’.  But this is life. We are writing our story from day to day and absolutely nothing is promised. Not even the seat you are sitting in at this moment (the bottom could give away at any moment). But this should not be a source of fear or paranoia. This should be empowering. To enjoy the wins and embrace the loses. Maybe even give you the opportunity to laugh at yourself a little bit. Find the joy in the unexpected and use it as an opportunity to pivot into something new and innovative.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ladies, Make Him Act Right! (From a man's perspective)

So ladies, we have a tendency to get advice from women about MEN far more than we should. So I have a special treat today. We're going to get some advice on how to entice, encourage, and exalt a man from you guested it.. A MAN. I picked one, who speaks with the sole purpose to educate. So some of his language may be a bit harder than you're used to but.. you will not be disappointed. Capt SistaGurl Out!  Introducing Tikko Brohey  Ladies do you feel like “dudes ain’t shit” or “dudes don’t act right?” Have you ever thought about the things you do that contribute to that? The answer is probably not.  Now granted there are dudes out there who just ain’t shit, and that’s just what it is. Majority of men are good men. But his partner can often determine just how good he'll actually be. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen, as every man deserves to be treated like a king. The disconnect comes from when there’s an argument all the King and Queen shit is out the

Fellas Pregame Your Online Dating Profile: Advice from your future bae

By Rapmusiq So I’ve been in these internet dating streets for a few years now and I thought I’d do my future Boo a solid and give him the tips on how to snag a certified Queen ;). There’s no way around it, online dating is super weird. Most people are not even quite sure where to start. Shopping for humans isn’t something most people are used to; so we count on our instincts to make a snap decision when swiping right. Here are a few tips for the straight guys out there from a woman’s perspective. I’ve seen these don’ts on so many profiles and confirmed them as turn-offs in mutual conversations with diverse groups of women. A few subtle changes can be the difference between you ending up in the inbox of the woman you would like to get to know better. Once you’re there let your personality, style, and charm to take it away! Do's Post great Pics I have noticed that most straight guys take horrible pics. They’re blurry, half your face is it cut off, you’re in

The Church is Failing: The Young Black Male

This is a taboo subject. That I’ve thought about quite a bit but never had the courage to really vocalize. Courage and fear are funny things because one of them is just as strong as the other, it’s just a question of which one you choose to live in. So today, I choose to live within a courageous light. Why, being a black woman, and an active christian would I have a fear vocalizing my opinion on how black men have been failed by the church? Messages are often misconstrued based on the perception of the reader. Additionally, it’s best practice to NOT add any fire to the flame of those that question institutionalized religion. However, in this case, I think I’d like to get this out with the hopes that some black man, within a particular age, will utilize this post as a reason to do better in reaching young black men. There was a time when the core of the civil rights movement was centered around black men and women within religious faiths. They actively worked together,