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Surviving Distractions: How to identify them and how to stop them

By Felicia Clark 
I sit down to do a write-up with my deadline for completion in two days. After showering, I change into my pajama bottoms and an oversized shirt. I grab a glass of wine, chips, and my laptop. My blanket and pillow are on the sofa. My rain sounds are going. I decided that everything's in place. I plop onto my sofa and proceed to write. All of sudden, PANDEMONIUM. “Ma! Can you please bring me a towel?! I forgot to grab one!” One of my sons yelled from the bathroom.
After grabbing a towel and handing it to an awaiting hand sticking out the slit of the bathroom door, I sat back down upon the sofa and proceeded to write. 
Ring! Ring! Unh unh, not answering. The phone stops ringing. Ring! Ring! Same number. Not answering. Then it rings AGAIN! Same number, belonging to my bestie. She’s called 3 times in a row. She never does that. Something must be wrong. I decided to call her back and try to make it short; no more than 10 minutes, tops

Thirty minutes later, she’s just get…

(Don't) Eat the Cake Anna Mae! Classic Film Review

With adult eyes the movies you watched as a kid become new. The first 100 times I watched “What's love got to do with it.“ I payed attention to Angela Basset's stellar performance and the depiction of Larry Fishburne as a demon named Ike. This biopic touches on some SERIOUS things that I think as your Captain Sista Gurl, I’m obligated to revisit.  I’ve listed a few below:

Sometimes it feels like love, but it isn't. (Get her mind, the body will follow)

Angela Bassett Feels She Was Robbed of an Oscar for ‘What’s Love Got to Do With It’
If you are in need of love, because you haven’t found it within yourself, a man that’s aware of how women, think and what they want, can game you out of far more than your panties. He can literally reform the way your brain works, your ideas die, his ideas become yours. This is why prostitution is the oldest profession in human history. IN HISTORY ladies. It’s not a skill that should be ignored. Before that man laid a hand on Ms. Tina, he had laid the groundwork necessary to keep her talents to himself and will her in whatever image he desired.

This is not something that is simply designated towards prostitutes and celebrities, this is a construct that can lay victim to anyone who believe she needs a man’s approval, more than she needs herself. That exalts a man, more than she exalts GOD. That loves to be needed, more than she needs herself. The signs are typically subtle at first, he wants to have access to you all the time, he wants to know everything that there is to know about you, and he gives you some type of hook of childhood trauma, to bring in the sympathy, to make you believe that he’s not masterful, but a real flawed human being. And every now and again, you’ll get warnings from other people, telling you to stay away, because he was trouble, but you don’t listen. 

Everyone has a price (EVEN YOU):  It’s important to know your clientele. Who is in your life, that can be bought easily. Look in the mirror and confirm if you’re the type to be bought as well. Anna Mae/Tina, knowing that her mother abandoned her at a very early age should have known that advice coming from her would not necessarily be sound. Unfortunately, every one isn’t built to mother appropriately, and Tina’s mom continued to fail her. There should have been no reason that her mother advocated Ike openly flirting with other women in her face. So it should have been no surprised that she couldn’t even escape to her mother’s home (THAT IKE BOUGHT) to save herself from domestic violence.

Her mother, just wasn’t equipped to advocate, the dollar was more important. I also believe that back in those days, the sliding scale of acceptance for abusive relationships was based firmly on the amount of money the husband took in. This is probably one of the hardest lessons to swallow in life. To know that people you should be able to trust cannot be trusted, with your secrets, with your children, with your livelihood. I advise to utilize discernment and sound judgment, because if the movie version of this was bad, imagine the real life scars that this type of situation can expose.

Sometimes it’s not even money, money can be swapped for any type of addiction, drugs, sex, loneliness/depression, anything that a person leans on more than you, can put you in harms way. BELIEVE ME.

A person can give gifts and spoils simultaneously

 This is another one that’s often very hard to digest. Ike taught her how to perform, the polish and grit that made her a Tina Turner; and even gave her the name.  He didn’t polish a lump of coal, he was gifted a diamond, and she was so unsure of herself that she believed that he was the one that was doing her the favor. Common mistake. Again, entertainment is not the only time this can come up. You’ll spend your life repaying someone for something that GOD gave you. “We have history together, he/she gave me a baby” He’s family. But they’re beating you, abusing you, molesting your kids. Those gifts are eradicated, once that person becomes a harm to you. PERIOD.

Sometimes being loyal comes at the sacrifice of your soul. You have to know when to get away from people. It shouldn’t take someone nearly killing you for you to wake up.

Until next time Queens! Capt SistaGurl Out! 


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