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Consciousness Ruined My Dating Life

By Rapmusiq

Christmas night after a lovely day spent with close family friends I took the plunge. I joined Tinder. That’s right, the shady, hook up, cliché dating site. The very same one. I did it on a whim.  A challenge, of sorts, from my close sistah friend who joined the site a few weeks prior. She joined to get over her ex. She told me, “It’s really not that bad. And it’s not just for hook ups. You just have to be very clear in your profile about what you want. Look at all these Tinderoni’s I already got.”

Intrigued by the notion, I laid in bed crafting the perfect profile statement. After selecting 3 distinct photos of myself (in different places in the world and two with leg just for good measure); I settled on this brief yet informative bio: “Crazy, sexy, cool. (Yes, that’s a 90’s r&b reference) Driven, goal oriented, and somehow still fun. Love to chat music, arts, and politics. Divorced, no kids. Not interested in random hook ups.”

I swiped for weeks, fully engaged in this bizarre social experiment. I introduced myself over 30 times, narrowing my narrative down to 4 text messages.
1.     What I do for work
2.     Where I live
3.     Where I’m from
4.     My ethnic background
It wasn’t until one particular interaction that the essence of consciousness revealed herself.

I matched with one particular gentleman. He was a brown hipster living in Detroit, circulating in the academic space. The day before we were scheduled to meet, he asked “Are you religious?” I paused for a moment, understanding that religion can be deeply divisive. I crafted my honest response carefully. “Yes, I am religious, but I am also liberal, so it can get me into some interesting conversations.” His response caused me to sit back in my seat. “Liberal?!? That’s a red flag. (2 scared face emojis)” I fully expected an ‘lol’ to follow in a separate text.  It did not. He continued. “Well, share what you believe.”

I again, took a deep breath and carefully crafted my response. I quickly sent it to Capt SistaGurl, my bestie, to check accuracy. She confirmed. I sent it to him then sat on my bed and waited. My message:

“I am a Pro Black, Pro Immigrant, Queer Allied, Anti Trump, Feminist,        Christian Ninja.”

This guy was thrown for a complete tail spin. He immediately blurted out. “You’re a radical!” He then commenced to rattling off a series of uninvited conservative views ranging from his disapproval of certain ‘types’ of immigration, (despite his visible Mexican ancestry) and his strong pro life stance.  I asked him a few clarifying questions and promptly wished him well as I dissolved our online communication channel. I was bewildered and actually quite troubled.

This is when I retreated to my roots and reflected.  I sat and thought about how I read him incorrectly and stereotyped this gentleman. I assumed because he was brown, lived in predominantly black city, and had a handlebar mustache, that he would possess a similar world view and more importantly a level of consciousness.

I quickly realized that my context clues about wokeness were inaccurate.  I had mentally reduced something so precious and intangible to symbols such as facial hair, tattoos and a few piercings. Consciousness is not something that you can put on and take off like a pair of trousers. It dwells inside of you. You can’t read an article, watch a movie or engage in conversation the same once this part of you has been awakened.

Even when you try to shut it off it sits next to you tugging at your eyeballs and forcing you to see deeply into everything you consume. It is your worldview. It is more than personal experience. Rather it allows you to contextualize your experience lifting blame, shame and providing nuance.

You no longer see the world in black and white, but rather in an array of conscious colors. It causes you to ask the questions of who benefits, who is disadvantaged, and who is unaffected from this decision, image or situation.

When I came to college at the tender age of 18, I had the foundation ripe for the seeds that were planted.  I have since blossomed and am proud to say I have become myself a planter of consciousness seeds. I work, mentor and spend time with young people who I am proud to have participated in their development. I see the ways in which my experience pays dividends through them. In the compassion, love, awareness and sensitivities with which the approach their fellow citizens of the world. While BEING WOKE may have ruined my dating life, it has given me a richness through my mentees that is far greater than any Tinderoni in the Tinderverse.


  1. This blog teach a lesson to couples who are very conscious in their life. Sometime this consciousness makes the reason for ruined a relationship. Don't let this reason to spoil your relation with your partner. Kelleher International is also such best relationship advisers. Keep in touch with them and makes life happy with your partner.


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