Skip to main content

BE YOU NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE WITH

Some girls begin compromising themselves for male acceptance at a very early age. There used to be studies mentioning that girls around the age of 9 years old begin to see slight declines in their academics because boys are no longer disgusting and more interesting than the teacher. Personally, boys were never gross to me. I always found them captivating. (No, I was not fast. Well, let’s revisit that.) The earliest “relationship” I can recall was in kindergarten. (Okay, maybe a little fast, but hear me out.) The relationship consisted of me receiving first dibs on his lunch trades, a partner to sit with on field trips, and he wouldn’t tag me during “Red Rover”. The perks were clearly hard to refuse, so I did not. All I had to do to maintain this relationship was suffer through a few moments of sweaty hand holding from time to time.

Fast track to the 3rd Grade which is the point of this post, I met THE BOY. He was a transfer student, he was smart, poised, and I probably liked him, more than my Barbie collection by his second day at our school. However, he had his eyes on a Boricua girl in the class. So, I stayed in the friend zone for at least six weeks. It felt like an eternity by the way. He would confide in me day in and day out, and lament over her, because I was in fact his confidant, his best homie, and as such, I listened. This young lady was curving him BIG TIME. She did not give him the time of day at all. I seriously hated her, I couldn’t understand why she would do BAE like that, he was better and more finer, than Ray J and Jason Weaver put together! He was the BEST. (Yes.. this is the 90’s deal with my comparisons). Eventually, he came to his garish senses, and in grandiose fashion, he wrote the NOTE of intent and commitment. (Be my girl, yes or no). I ACCEPTED. I GLOWED. I WAS VINDICATED. JESUS IN FACT DID LOVE ME.

Can we pause for a moment, I am not being dramatic, I really did feel like this, which is utterly ridiculous, but stay with me ladies and gents. 

Throughout this time, we were in the midst of an intense multiplication competition in which he and I were, being the genius savants that we were, we clearly were in the top five of the competition. Personally, I was not invested in the competition as much as he was; I just wanted to make sure that I got an “A” at the end. He of course HAD to win. During the final round of the competitions, I intentionally tanked “12x11” so he could have a better chance at winning the last heat. He advanced like I knew he would, and I was blissfully happy that he did so. I chose, this Prince amongst booger faces over myself, just so he could win IN THE THIRD GRADE. Imagine how many times I’ve done that hereafter?? He didn’t ask me to do it, I chose to. I tell this story often, and I am sharing it with my SistaGurls for a number of reasons. I made some pivotal mistakes in this ordeal.

  1. I waited on a boy to like me while he campaigned for someone else. I accepted the role I was given until he wanted me to fit into another one. And without deliberation, since that was where I thought I wanted to be, I stayed there. 
  2. I dogged the other girl, simply because she didn’t feel for him the way I did, which was her right as a human being. That too was ABSURD. 
  3. I jeopardized my academic standing in a competition, just to make HIM feel special. 

This little anecdote is important in my life because it laid the foundation for how I would allow men to treat me in relationships. I would often make allowances like these to “help” my boyfriends. In a relationship, compromise should be inevitable but it should never be made at the expense of being who you are. It is important that we remain individuals even within the relationship because you cannot live for someone else. You have to live for you. I have witnessed women and men alike adapt to their mate socially, mentally, and economically. Liking the things they like, spending time with their friends and not his/her own primarily, and if/when the relationship ends, they are left with hobbies they didn’t choose, no friends, and an identity of someone else. BE YOU NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE WITH.

Love you much,
#Captsistagurlout

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ladies, Make Him Act Right! (From a man's perspective)

So ladies, we have a tendency to get advice from women about MEN far more than we should. So I have a special treat today. We're going to get some advice on how to entice, encourage, and exalt a man from you guested it.. A MAN. I picked one, who speaks with the sole purpose to educate. So some of his language may be a bit harder than you're used to but.. you will not be disappointed. Capt SistaGurl Out!  Introducing Tikko Brohey  Ladies do you feel like “dudes ain’t shit” or “dudes don’t act right?” Have you ever thought about the things you do that contribute to that? The answer is probably not.  Now granted there are dudes out there who just ain’t shit, and that’s just what it is. Majority of men are good men. But his partner can often determine just how good he'll actually be. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen, as every man deserves to be treated like a king. The disconnect comes from when there’s an argument all the King and Queen shit is out the

Fellas Pregame Your Online Dating Profile: Advice from your future bae

By Rapmusiq So I’ve been in these internet dating streets for a few years now and I thought I’d do my future Boo a solid and give him the tips on how to snag a certified Queen ;). There’s no way around it, online dating is super weird. Most people are not even quite sure where to start. Shopping for humans isn’t something most people are used to; so we count on our instincts to make a snap decision when swiping right. Here are a few tips for the straight guys out there from a woman’s perspective. I’ve seen these don’ts on so many profiles and confirmed them as turn-offs in mutual conversations with diverse groups of women. A few subtle changes can be the difference between you ending up in the inbox of the woman you would like to get to know better. Once you’re there let your personality, style, and charm to take it away! Do's Post great Pics I have noticed that most straight guys take horrible pics. They’re blurry, half your face is it cut off, you’re in

The Church is Failing: The Young Black Male

This is a taboo subject. That I’ve thought about quite a bit but never had the courage to really vocalize. Courage and fear are funny things because one of them is just as strong as the other, it’s just a question of which one you choose to live in. So today, I choose to live within a courageous light. Why, being a black woman, and an active christian would I have a fear vocalizing my opinion on how black men have been failed by the church? Messages are often misconstrued based on the perception of the reader. Additionally, it’s best practice to NOT add any fire to the flame of those that question institutionalized religion. However, in this case, I think I’d like to get this out with the hopes that some black man, within a particular age, will utilize this post as a reason to do better in reaching young black men. There was a time when the core of the civil rights movement was centered around black men and women within religious faiths. They actively worked together,