Throwback Thursday! #Sisterwives
Many apologies, my lovlies! I know I haven't been on posting as much as I should lately, but never fear, I dug up one of my favorite posts from an old blog. It's called the "SISTERWIFE SERIES" and trust me you'll enjoy it :).
PS. It's a three part series, so follow along :)
This subject has come up countless times recently, there is an epidemic or a highlighted occurrence that has been sweeping the nation as of recently. The “side chick”, “the other woman”, or “the dip off”; this woman is known by many names and causes peril and frustration to the masses. As Ecclesiastes 1:9 has always said;
“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”
This clearly states that anything that is believed to be a new trend is in fact a repeat of what has already been. There’s always been another woman, but what does seem to be new is the glorification of infidelity. There are reality shows, scripted dramas, and novels that have depicted images of intelligent, beautiful women, of all races as the other woman. Women are sitting on their couches with popcorn glued to the television excited to view the next installment of these “will they won’t they” relationships with hopes that the “side chick” will win.
Here’s the thing, the side chick will never win, you should feel sorry for the woman who believes that the lies a man tell her and the promise of leaving his wife will ever happen. #Message to the side chick: Regardless to how wonderful you are, these men love you enough to keep you around, but not enough to sacrifice the demise of their families for you. It’s just the truth. You deserve better than being the one he calls in the middle of the night, the one he only brings around his “trustworthy friends”, the one he tells everything too, but can’t admit you exist. You deserve better than the angry phone calls and altercations from his woman telling you to back off; and the hurt that you feel for being lied to. There is no love here, regardless to what he tells you. Now the one glimmer of hope is that he will leave her for you, then what? Like the old timers say:
“The same way you got him, is the same way you’ll lose him. “
You’ll be waiting on the inevitable so much that you won’t even have time to enjoy the relationship. You’ll be waiting for the pin drop, which guess what, will make him feel like you don’t trust him, and guess what he’ll do? CHEAT ON YOU!
The cowardice that men have when it comes to being bold enough to tell their wives they are unhappy is astounding. Not only that, there are times when the married woman is more than knowledgeable of her spouse's infidelity and displays the same cowardice when it comes to leaving the men to pursue their own happiness. You’ll often hear sounds bites like, “We have been through so much, “, “I haven’t been as attentive as I should have been”, or, my personal favorite, “He’s just being a man!” This is how women convince themselves that this bout of infidelity is nothing but a figurative cold sore; and given time, it will just go away. He’ll grow out of straddling the fence and he’ll get his act together. So for the wife or girlfriend, everyone is due to make a few mistakes in life, but, in my opinion, developing an alternative relationship with a woman then crawling into bed and kissing you at night is not an accident. It’s a blatant act of betrayal. He lied to you, he cheated, and in most cases he probably put you in physical danger (Unprotected sex is dangerous, you can contact STDs that are deadly and irrevocable)! This person that promised to commit to you has betrayed VOWs, several at once. And let me mention this ladies, if you did it to him, even on a small scale, be clear, he would LEAVE YOU.
Unfortunately, what usually happens is, instead of the women being angry with the man, they confront the “side chick” sure she’s wrong if she knows about you, but if she doesn't it’s not her fault. #Message to the girlfriend or Spouse: Regardless to if she knows about you, it’s still not her fault, he had to cheat on you. She didn't marry you, or commit to you. HE DID. This is a sisterhood issue; women are so busy competing with each other that they’re not paying attention to how this less than superior man is manipulating the both of you. And guess what, neither of you deserve it! Regardless to what type of past you've had, what mistakes you've made in prior relationships, wrong is wrong. There is a statute of limitations on personal guilt, don’t stand for this. Make a stand for your daughters, and nieces, and little sisters, don’t continue a cycle of demeaning yourselves by sitting sideline while your standards are being compromised.
So the question really isn't should you stay in a relationship where infidelity has taken place, the question is, more are you compromising your standards and allowing it to continue? Are you worth more than being the side chick? Is he the only man on earth? Did your mother teach you better than this? Do you deserve more than you’re getting? It’s time to self-notify and ask yourself this question, “When Cinderella rode off with Prince Charming, did the story read, they lived “Happily ever after” or, “Happily until he fell in love with her hand maiden-but Cinderella was okay, because she knows he saved her from her evil step mother so once and a while if he’s with her, it’s okay?” Get a grip people.
Chicago’s own Devin Miller is the Capt of the Sistagurl team, freelance writer, event coordinator and healthcare professional who has always used creative expression to promote joy and laughter in a world bogged down with serious people and situations. She is a “dreamer and a planner,” and truly believes that without both, you should stay sleep.