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No More Drama: Goodbye to my toxic marriage and hello to Freedom

Guest Submission from an anonymous brave lady! Let’s encourage her after you’ve read this brave post! Xoxo - Capt SistaGurl 

In terms of unpleasant experiences, 2021 was that for me. In the first month of January 2021, I found out my husband of 9 years was having an affair, a full relationship with another woman. 

The disturbing part to me finding out was it was during a family movie night with my husband and our son. My husband’s paramour contacted me by text messaging my phone for over an hour with their screenshot text conversations, inappropriate pictures, and some stupid explanation on her end. Too bad that drama wasn’t all I had to deal with during the year cause that was more than enough.

That discovery of my husband’s infidelities lead our relationship down a spiraling path quick and fast. I begin to find out that not only had my husband been emotionally and mentally abusive towards me throughout our marriage. 

But after the discovery of not just the one paramour but many others I found out about, my husband began to become verbally aggressive and physically abusive for months towards me. 

By August of 2021, after a really bad physical altercation in front of our son, I had decided to pack what I could and leave. With only about $2,000 to my name, I had no idea where to go, but to a shelter. My son and I stayed in a domestic violence shelter for 3 months until the shelter was able to place us in a home of our own with the shelter financially assisting us. That was a major blessing. I found a well-paying part-time job and things were looking up. 

Shortly after the job ended due to them needing a full-time employee. But full-time was not an option at the time because my new home was already over an hour away and I didn’t have the proper childcare for those extended hours. So on my last day in the first week of December, I held my head high knowing the Most High would provide a way for my son and me. I believed that my Creator did not bring us this far to let us down.

Now throughout the months after I left my home, I got an order of protection against my husband and filed for divorce. He was not happy about that and began to go into a complete rage. 

Calling people in my family including my grandfather, running smear campaigns about me. Cursing and yelling and being completely disrespectful of me and towards my family members. 

He changed the locks to the marital residence. Keeping me from retrieving the rest of my belongings. He cut me off two of our bank accounts, he refused to get parenting time the way he was ordered by the court to do. Instead for over a month he constantly harassed my family, especially my mom by sending the police to her house to do a wellness check for our son. 

He blamed me and told others I was keeping our son away from him. My husband had become the complete opposite of who I knew him to be. So when December came and I had no job but I still had faith, I was just trying to prepare for the holidays the best I could despite all that we had been through. And I did! I pulled it off, even with all of the setbacks. 

I felt good about my accomplishments. Then the biggest setback of them all came when I started to feel ill and one night I had it so bad I thought I was experiencing food poisoning. I went to the ER and found out hours later I tested positive for Covid. That was the topper or the perfect end to such a tumultuous year. 

Of course, my son and I couldn’t bring in the new year with family and friends. Of course, we had to be quarantined for 8-10 days. Of course, I still had to take care of my 5-year-old son on my own struggling with Covid symptoms. 

Of course, these things would happen just to solidify the year of 2021 coming in like a nightmare and leaving out just as hellish. 

But I wouldn’t change one thing, not one thing. Because I can see my blessings from the nightmare. The most important blessing of them all is, I am free. I am no longer bound to a man or situation that treats me less than my worth. And I know my worth and despite the hell, my soon-to-be ex-husband tries to inflict from a distance, I know I am free. 

I know I will never experience that type of relationship again. I know I have family, friends, and a community of people who are there to make sure my son and I are safe and never have to return or depend on that man again. I know I am blessed and for that, I will forever remain grateful.

The year 2021 will always stand out for me. Not because of the turmoil but because it was the year I fought tooth and nail to regain my freedom. And I did!

Sure, play “No More Drama” by Mary J. Blige


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