By Rapmusiq
It wasn’t until the day after… in reflection, that it occurred to me. The day before I was in conversation with someone that brought up a video that he had recently watched. As he related the content of the video, I immediately felt the back of my neck and shoulders start to tense up. As he went into the details of the video’s creator explaining the connection between COVID-19, 5G, the new world order and the government plot to control humanity; my ears could no longer listen. I spent time searching my mind for the best way to express my frustration in kindness. I ended up telling him that the conversation was vexing my spirit and that I would prefer to talk about glitter, unicorns, and rainbows. After tongue-in-cheek, telling me that unicorns don’t exist and we haven’t had a rainbow in a few weeks we moved on from the conversation topic.
He wasn’t the only source of my confrontation with conspiracy theories around this COVID situation. I have literally seen them everywhere: on my timeline, in direct messages from family members and perfect strangers. I realized that the source of the vexation I felt. When this COVID situation became real and I was told not to come into work and shortly after all signs of life shut down, I was legitimately scared. For the first 3 days, my anxiety was the last thing I battled with before I went to bed and the first thing I wrestled with when I woke up.
Over the last few weeks, thanks to wonderful family, friends and God’s grace; I have settled into knowing that no matter what happens, through all of this, I will be alright. The thing that conspiracy theories do for me is reigniting a sense of fear that I am actively working to get past. I’m trying to accept this situation. So I can hopefully even enjoy the slower pace, refocus on inner peace and the depth of reconnection I’m experiencing with those emotionally closest to me.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that conspiracy theories come from grief. We are all managing some form of individual and collective grief. We are grieving a way of life that we took for granted and was snatched away from us without warning. We are grieving an image of ourselves that a lot of us are unable to fulfill due to the disruption in our work and therefore our busyness. We are grieving a false sense of control. Some of us are grieving tangible things like a loss of income or a loved one. People are struggling to explain the unexplainable. Grasping at straws to figure out how something so devastating, disastrous and seeming undeserved could happen to humanity.
What easier way to fill that void than with a story of a set of invisible villains who have and have always had our worst interest at heart? People who create and circulate conspiracy theories sometimes have a sense of conscious and moral superiority. As if they know something that everyone else doesn’t know or refuses to accept. If I hear the phrase “people are sheep” one more time I’m going to scream. Believing that you are somehow smarter, more aware, more prepared because you ascribe to a conspiracy theory is trite. You are scared. You are sad. You are grieved… Just like the rest of us.
The sooner we lean into these feelings… The sooner we sit still and allow ourselves to go through the process of feeling our feelings, the sooner we will heal. I have no idea how long the virus will take to pass. I have no idea what the markets will do and how world governments will respond. But what I do know is I have control over how I choose to go through all of this. Wrapping myself in raged cloaked in fear is not part of my plan. I choose stillness, I choose informed but not bombarded. I choose health. I choose love. I choose faith. I choose peace.
It wasn’t until the day after… in reflection, that it occurred to me. The day before I was in conversation with someone that brought up a video that he had recently watched. As he related the content of the video, I immediately felt the back of my neck and shoulders start to tense up. As he went into the details of the video’s creator explaining the connection between COVID-19, 5G, the new world order and the government plot to control humanity; my ears could no longer listen. I spent time searching my mind for the best way to express my frustration in kindness. I ended up telling him that the conversation was vexing my spirit and that I would prefer to talk about glitter, unicorns, and rainbows. After tongue-in-cheek, telling me that unicorns don’t exist and we haven’t had a rainbow in a few weeks we moved on from the conversation topic.
He wasn’t the only source of my confrontation with conspiracy theories around this COVID situation. I have literally seen them everywhere: on my timeline, in direct messages from family members and perfect strangers. I realized that the source of the vexation I felt. When this COVID situation became real and I was told not to come into work and shortly after all signs of life shut down, I was legitimately scared. For the first 3 days, my anxiety was the last thing I battled with before I went to bed and the first thing I wrestled with when I woke up.
Over the last few weeks, thanks to wonderful family, friends and God’s grace; I have settled into knowing that no matter what happens, through all of this, I will be alright. The thing that conspiracy theories do for me is reigniting a sense of fear that I am actively working to get past. I’m trying to accept this situation. So I can hopefully even enjoy the slower pace, refocus on inner peace and the depth of reconnection I’m experiencing with those emotionally closest to me.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that conspiracy theories come from grief. We are all managing some form of individual and collective grief. We are grieving a way of life that we took for granted and was snatched away from us without warning. We are grieving an image of ourselves that a lot of us are unable to fulfill due to the disruption in our work and therefore our busyness. We are grieving a false sense of control. Some of us are grieving tangible things like a loss of income or a loved one. People are struggling to explain the unexplainable. Grasping at straws to figure out how something so devastating, disastrous and seeming undeserved could happen to humanity.
What easier way to fill that void than with a story of a set of invisible villains who have and have always had our worst interest at heart? People who create and circulate conspiracy theories sometimes have a sense of conscious and moral superiority. As if they know something that everyone else doesn’t know or refuses to accept. If I hear the phrase “people are sheep” one more time I’m going to scream. Believing that you are somehow smarter, more aware, more prepared because you ascribe to a conspiracy theory is trite. You are scared. You are sad. You are grieved… Just like the rest of us.
The sooner we lean into these feelings… The sooner we sit still and allow ourselves to go through the process of feeling our feelings, the sooner we will heal. I have no idea how long the virus will take to pass. I have no idea what the markets will do and how world governments will respond. But what I do know is I have control over how I choose to go through all of this. Wrapping myself in raged cloaked in fear is not part of my plan. I choose stillness, I choose informed but not bombarded. I choose health. I choose love. I choose faith. I choose peace.
Love and Light friends,
Rapmusiq
Rapmusiq
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