So I’ve been in these internet dating streets for a few years now and I thought I’d do my future Boo a solid and give him the tips on how to snag a certified Queen ;). There’s no way around it, online dating is super weird. Most people are not even quite sure where to start. Shopping for humans isn’t something most people are used to; so we count on our instincts to make a snap decision when swiping right. Here are a few tips for the straight guys out there from a woman’s perspective.
I’ve seen these don’ts on so many profiles and confirmed them as turn-offs in mutual conversations with diverse groups of women. A few subtle changes can be the difference between you ending up in the inbox of the woman you would like to get to know better. Once you’re there let your personality, style, and charm to take it away!
Post great PicsI have noticed that most straight guys take horrible pics. They’re blurry, half your face is it cut off, you’re in a car with the seat belt strapped across your chest, no full body pics or you’re wearing sunglasses in all of your photos. I can guarantee you, that you are more attractive than 75% of the men coming across her profile. So, let it show! Please don’t let your machismo attitude stop you from taking or posting high-quality photos. There is nothing self-absorbed or feminine about having a few nice photos of yourself, particularly if the goal is to attract a woman that you are interested in.
Pics with you doing activities you enjoy are nice and one or two group photos are cool too. Avoid stereotypically macho photos, like the ones with high powered rifles (unless you really are into hunting). Otherwise, we realize it's just so you think we think you’re more manly and that doesn’t do much for us. Also avoid photos with multiple women (unless you indicate who they are in your profile, ie. Sister, best friend etc), otherwise you may be mistaken for a couple that is looking for a unicorn. Bonus points for the guys that post-professional headshots (that’s encouraging because there’s a higher probability that you are employed) and bonus points to the guys who post the artsy photos from cool angles, but we can also get a good idea what you look like.
Write something in the captionYes, women still read captions. Online dating has evolved from a hookup only activity and if you are trying to attract quality women, we will be reading your caption. We will, however, be reading it rather quickly, so we don’t need a whole lot of information. Less is more! Write a corny joke or a fun fact about yourself or something you’re interested in. Focus on your strengths and the positive attributes about yourself that either you or other people enjoy.
Post your heightFor some weird reason, both women and men are funny about height. Some women use it as a marker of attractiveness. Some men use it as a reason to either think they’re better or to be insecure. Posting your height is fine as long as it is there with a collection of other facts, simply being tall is not enough to get you swiped right and being short isn’t a reason to be swept into oblivion. Women are just trying to get an idea of what you look like in totality. And whatever you do, please don’t list your height and then say, if that matters. This is a passive-aggressive statement that oozes insecurity and will get you swiped left with the quickness.
Say “I’m a laid back guy”This, by far, is the most common phrase I see on dating apps. I realized this is written by well-meaning guys who have no idea where to start when writing a caption. However, I don’t believe this is indicating what you would like it to. Firstly, being laid back is a given. Most guys are not hyperactive and/or fuss pots. By saying you’re laid back, that can indicate that you are either boring, uninteresting and/or not very good at describing yourself. It feels like a cop-out and indicated that you may want to spend more time getting to know what you like and dislike about yourself. It also makes me question your ambition and passion for life. This is a sure-fire way to get left swiped.
"My kids are my world"If you are online dating in your mid-30s and beyond, the assumption from most women is that there is a high possibility that you will already have children. If you already have children the assumption is, not only that you love them but you also take care of them.
Despite all the stereotypes, quality women know that the statistics show that the majority of men are involved in their children’s lives and deadbeats are the exception.
By stating that your kids are your world, you’re not making some grand proclamation, you’re simply stating the obvious with the slight possibility of not having the time and or emotional space for a relationship. I’ve seen a lot of guys do this well, by stating “I have 2 great little boys” or “I have a very special little girl that I love with all my heart.” See the difference? You can state how much you love your children without alienating everyone else, especially someone who is interested in participating in your world and enhancing it for both you and your children.
Choosing “The school of hard knocks or life university” as your college or universityQuality women understand that successful men take many routes. We understand that you may not have gone to a traditional college or university, but have learned a skill, trade or have work experience to be qualified for the career you are currently pursuing. However, by putting down the school of hard knocks or life university it just highlights that you didn’t go to college and insinuates that you may have some trauma and baggage in your life that you have not yet healed from. While trauma is part of the human experience and we all have it, it can be off-putting if that is the first thing we read after your name on a profile. To invite a woman in, to have a more nuanced conversation about the route you’ve taken in your professional life either leave that section blank or put in your last educational experience, even if it is high school. A woman will respect your honesty and be more interested in hearing your story.
Say ‘if you catch my attention’I literally just unmatched with a guy because of this phrase. Some guys approach online dating like they’re doing the internet a favor by being on these sites. They write their caption as if this is the bachelor and the women are all clamoring for their attention alone. Women are on dating sites for a lot of reasons, just like men are and its not all about ‘catching your attention’. The dating process is mutual, we are matching and then having conversations to see if we are a good fit for each other, not just begging and pleading to be noticed, by someone, anyone…. Just as you’ve caught my attention, I’ve got yours. From there we chat, meet to see if this is something for a moment or for the long term. Please don’t forget the mutual nature of dating. It’s not just about who you choose, it’s also about you being chosen. Please remember there is a thin line between confidence and arrogance. And we know that arrogance is just insecurity wrapped up in a snuggie.