By Capt SistaGurl
This post is brought to you by a very tired, career driven, wife, mom, full-time job having- entrepreneur and future mogul.
I noticed specifically, when introductions are given in the workplace women often feel compelled to mention the same things.. For example, "I'm a mom of two, my HUSBAND and I love SIP AND PAINT, and I've been working in benefits for 12 years."
Ladies before you think I'm judging, I have been victim of this as well. The irony is, if you put a man in the same room, his answers sound more like this. "Hi my name is Jim, I like Nascar. I've been in benefits for 18 years. Happy to be here." *For this story, let’s say most men care a bit less about labels, and more about specific things when describing their worth.
He could have the same amount of family, similar attributes as the female example but will NOT mention it. Not because he doesn't love his family, but simply because it's an introduction at WORK and personal information often times holds little value for a man in the workplace.
I have also noticed the strain that the female example puts on the women who aren't in a similar situation. I recall a time when I was a new hire and there was only 1 woman who did not have children. She said, "Hi I've been a nurse for 25 years and I have no children and no husband." The thing that stuck with me about this was the self defeat in her voice. Like she was somehow less than. Which, knowing her, I know that was not the case.
As early as toddler years, girls spend a great deal of their time accessing their value. "I'm pretty, I have friends, boys/girls like me, I dress nice. "; therefore I am useful. What happened if one day the standard of beauty flipped and the world determined you weren't pretty anymore? If they decided that being able to keep a mate didn't make you special? How would you define yourself?
The narrative is similar for men. They must provide, they must secure, and no where in the "MACHO MAN" handbook does it teach them how to deal with pain, grief, love, loss, longing, or self acceptance.
In the end, when you're staring down the final days of your life, I can almost bet that the things that defined your person hood become super unimportant and for good reason. Why not choose to live for the person you want to be, and not for the things you have?
ON A LARGER SCALE
We often over emphasize titles and under value character. Being a wife or having a PhD doesn't make you a good human being. Those are just words. You can be a shitty human and have a PhD, just like you can be a jerky spouse and still be married. Same goes for the many people who accept the role of parenthood when they aren't fit to.
I noticed specifically, when introductions are given in the workplace women often feel compelled to mention the same things.. For example, "I'm a mom of two, my HUSBAND and I love SIP AND PAINT, and I've been working in benefits for 12 years."
Ladies before you think I'm judging, I have been victim of this as well. The irony is, if you put a man in the same room, his answers sound more like this. "Hi my name is Jim, I like Nascar. I've been in benefits for 18 years. Happy to be here." *For this story, let’s say most men care a bit less about labels, and more about specific things when describing their worth.
He could have the same amount of family, similar attributes as the female example but will NOT mention it. Not because he doesn't love his family, but simply because it's an introduction at WORK and personal information often times holds little value for a man in the workplace.
I have also noticed the strain that the female example puts on the women who aren't in a similar situation. I recall a time when I was a new hire and there was only 1 woman who did not have children. She said, "Hi I've been a nurse for 25 years and I have no children and no husband." The thing that stuck with me about this was the self defeat in her voice. Like she was somehow less than. Which, knowing her, I know that was not the case.
As early as toddler years, girls spend a great deal of their time accessing their value. "I'm pretty, I have friends, boys/girls like me, I dress nice. "; therefore I am useful. What happened if one day the standard of beauty flipped and the world determined you weren't pretty anymore? If they decided that being able to keep a mate didn't make you special? How would you define yourself?
The narrative is similar for men. They must provide, they must secure, and no where in the "MACHO MAN" handbook does it teach them how to deal with pain, grief, love, loss, longing, or self acceptance.
In the end, when you're staring down the final days of your life, I can almost bet that the things that defined your person hood become super unimportant and for good reason. Why not choose to live for the person you want to be, and not for the things you have?
ON A LARGER SCALE
We often over emphasize titles and under value character. Being a wife or having a PhD doesn't make you a good human being. Those are just words. You can be a shitty human and have a PhD, just like you can be a jerky spouse and still be married. Same goes for the many people who accept the role of parenthood when they aren't fit to.
I think as a people we need to spend more time examining the spirit of human beings and less about titling.
Humanity is in turmoil partly because we care FAR to much about the irrelevant. We choose apathy and have forgotten empathy. Celebs are super heroes, teachers are not. Public officials don't serve the public. We are living in the twilight zone.l!
This won't change unless we sit down with OURSELVES and determine what our values truly are. Even if we decide "Hey we're Americans and we only care about capital", then we should probably stop pushing the narrative that we are a humanitarian country where hard work pays off. Because based on a long list of current events money, entitlement and privledge are the main drivers of success in all arenas.
Culturally we live and die with the labels. I am here to help you shed some. When you die, you can't take your closet with you. Those diamonds won't soothe you when your heart hurts, and your degrees won't keep you warm if you loose everything. So how about we take some time to find joy that doesn't come with a reciept. Love that is free from timeline approval.
Humanity is in turmoil partly because we care FAR to much about the irrelevant. We choose apathy and have forgotten empathy. Celebs are super heroes, teachers are not. Public officials don't serve the public. We are living in the twilight zone.l!
This won't change unless we sit down with OURSELVES and determine what our values truly are. Even if we decide "Hey we're Americans and we only care about capital", then we should probably stop pushing the narrative that we are a humanitarian country where hard work pays off. Because based on a long list of current events money, entitlement and privledge are the main drivers of success in all arenas.
Culturally we live and die with the labels. I am here to help you shed some. When you die, you can't take your closet with you. Those diamonds won't soothe you when your heart hurts, and your degrees won't keep you warm if you loose everything. So how about we take some time to find joy that doesn't come with a reciept. Love that is free from timeline approval.
Please, if you start a new job, try to introduce yourself as YOURSELF as it pertains to the job. But hey what do I know? I'm just an African American Woman - Wife- Mother- Writer - Journalist - TAXPAYER... ETC, ETC, ETC.
XOXO
Live in your light friends!
XOXO
Live in your light friends!
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