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Surviving Distractions: How to identify them and how to stop them

By Felicia Clark 
I sit down to do a write-up with my deadline for completion in two days. After showering, I change into my pajama bottoms and an oversized shirt. I grab a glass of wine, chips, and my laptop. My blanket and pillow are on the sofa. My rain sounds are going. I decided that everything's in place. I plop onto my sofa and proceed to write. All of sudden, PANDEMONIUM. “Ma! Can you please bring me a towel?! I forgot to grab one!” One of my sons yelled from the bathroom.
After grabbing a towel and handing it to an awaiting hand sticking out the slit of the bathroom door, I sat back down upon the sofa and proceeded to write. 
Ring! Ring! Unh unh, not answering. The phone stops ringing. Ring! Ring! Same number. Not answering. Then it rings AGAIN! Same number, belonging to my bestie. She’s called 3 times in a row. She never does that. Something must be wrong. I decided to call her back and try to make it short; no more than 10 minutes, tops

Thirty minutes later, she’s just get…

Decoding the Ladies Man

I love crushing gender stigmas and behavior. So to start a new blog series, I would like to talk specifically about the PlayBoy, Ladies Man, or whatever we are calling these men.

Of course culturally a man that has many options is considered a king amongst men. He is winning, he is the guy that you can always count on for an exciting story of his conquests, the one the ladies go crazy for. (Picture Will Smith in the Fresh Prince, The Mack, James Bond..any movie with George Clooney-or Clooney in real life. Perhaps even the President of the United States.)  We can address why society values and exploits this type of a man in a positive manner but...let's skip that part..

Today I would like to focus on the reasons how these men became who they are. And guess what I am not blaming the women they are seeing. (Society spends enough time bringing those ladies down anyway).

The Mike Jones. They were probably the type of boys who didn't get much attention from girls and they had a swan like blossom period. Picture Stephon Urkel vs Steve Urkel. If they didn’t become more handsome, they fell under a popular trend(ie, BEARDS), or fell into some money.

Prior to becoming socially acceptable these guys longed to be the star quarterback but just didn't have it. Now that their popularity has soared, they will exhibit no remorse for any unjust behavior they will make towards women. They can think about every woman that has ever turned them down, and have commenced their payback crusade.

The Momma's Boy- This the guy that got whatever he wanted from his mother, clothes jewelry, affection, attention everything.

She set him up with the expectation that EVERYONE should treat him as good as she does. When he comes of age he realizes that no one woman would be capable of treating him as good as she does, so he gathers a multitude to supplement in the areas these ladies lack. Newsflash..He will eventually find a woman that comes very close but it may be too late.

The Guy with the mommy issues- THIS ONE CAUSES THE MOST DAMAGE. He is the one that may or may not recognize that he has suffered childhood trauma from his mother. She either was not around, or set a very bad example. She had multiple suitors that she exposed her son to, she was abused, or had low self esteem and as he became older he lost respect for her. (These are just a few reasons..there are several).

He has no regard for women whatsoever. He will take their money, misuse their heart, lie, whatever he chooses to do, because women are disposable. Often times, this guy is also very sensitive and uses sex to curve his emotions. He usually finds women who are attracted to men who believe they can save him. She probably thinks she can give him enough love, money, or sex to supplement his damage..Not knowing he is hoarding more women just like her. It does not work. She cannot save him.

The Jerk. He doesn't have any of the issues that the other guys above had, he is just an unfeeling bastard. He doesn’t think twice about anyone else but himself. He is not a very happy person, even though his career is usually intact. He just enjoys the game. He is brutally honest, he doesn’t lie to anyone, because he doesn’t care to protect your feelings.

Ironically, he is the safest option, because you know exactly what you are getting from this guy. There will never be any confusion on where you stand with him. He can grow out of this, when he decides to regain his personal emotions.

My final point. Men are no different than women in the way that they are flawed. Every action can be stemmed from a sequence of events that have made them who they are. I do not condone the behavior of men who misuse women. Just because you can do something, it doesn’t mean that you should. A lot of the things that are found acceptable in society are wrong. Period. We should focus more on being complete human beings and end the habits that are hurting us all the most. 


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