Every Wednesday I join a relationship chat on twitter with @sixbrownchicks, and we help out our tweeps with their relationship woes. Also, sistas like to help me with blog ideas and a really good question came up. " What do you do when love isn't enough?". I read the question, and I thought about it deeply before I answered her. The first thing I did was actually contemplated what love really means. For myself, and for the root of my understanding.
So I asked another #sistagurl what her idea of love really was, and she gave me a poignant answer. She stated that loving someone is being able to see the GOD in them. Marinate on that for a second. I think this encapsulates what love means and it stretches further than just love relationships.
After that, the question asked of me then made more sense. Love, at its core is only the start of a relationship. Its what captures a soul, and connects you to another person. So what do you do when your souls are no longer connected?
In this scenario a friend of a friend is in relationship with a man; and the relationship has gone sour. She has lost patience in him, he is no longer engaged to her needs and she is attempting to seek love elsewhere. All while staying locked into a person her soul has told her is no longer viable to her peace. Most likely physically, but not at all mentally.
One mistake that we often make when in love relationships is we don't communicate in our truths. We may say, passive aggressive things that allude to our displeasure but its very rare that we actually look someone in the eye and say," Look, I'm unhappy with you, and I need something more." Why? Because you would never say to GOD, "GOD I'm not happy with you!!". Because, you know within yourself that GOD has not wronged you, you've wronged yourself. But this is not GOD, this is a human being.
Staring at your lover in a relationship, and knowing you are not happy is the driving force to misery. Do not do this. Looking elsewhere for happiness while still being chained to someone else makes you a liar!! Why? Because you have voided your commitment application, and didn't inform them. The GOD in you is being tampered with because you aren't giving yourself what you deserve.
My recommendation, stay in it and give it your all until you can't give your all any longer. As a lover, we all want to be able to look at a relationship and say, yes I made mistakes but I tried to rectify them. I was honest with what I needed and I did all I could, I was just not fulfilled. And most importantly, my partner was no longer mine. You can still love a person when this happens.
Oftentimes when in a relationship we forget to choose our self. Don't give up on you, after all, you know what you need and its your responsibility to receive it.
Be blessed Sistagurls!
~Devin Miller, Sistagurl Capt.