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Surviving Distractions: How to identify them and how to stop them

By Felicia Clark 
I sit down to do a write-up with my deadline for completion in two days. After showering, I change into my pajama bottoms and an oversized shirt. I grab a glass of wine, chips, and my laptop. My blanket and pillow are on the sofa. My rain sounds are going. I decided that everything's in place. I plop onto my sofa and proceed to write. All of sudden, PANDEMONIUM. “Ma! Can you please bring me a towel?! I forgot to grab one!” One of my sons yelled from the bathroom.
After grabbing a towel and handing it to an awaiting hand sticking out the slit of the bathroom door, I sat back down upon the sofa and proceeded to write. 
Ring! Ring! Unh unh, not answering. The phone stops ringing. Ring! Ring! Same number. Not answering. Then it rings AGAIN! Same number, belonging to my bestie. She’s called 3 times in a row. She never does that. Something must be wrong. I decided to call her back and try to make it short; no more than 10 minutes, tops. 

Thirty minutes later, she’s just get…
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Ladies, its okay, he played you.

From teens to adults all us can admit to being, had, hoodwinked, led astray by a man once in our lives right!?! Sometimes its something as subtle as giving your number to a guy you met at the club, waiting by the phone for him to call you and he didn't. Ever. It could also be as bad as dating a guy, feeling him, and finding out he lied about having kids, or is married. Lastly my personal favorite; sleeping with a man for months and you finally get the nerve to ask his intentions, and he says something dumb like,"Yeah, I'm working on myself right now, I'm not ready for a relationship."  Some of us are reading this right now and thinking about our exact scenarios in which we've experienced these instances. (Replaying the incident in your head and mumbling his name in contempt.) Go ahead, take a second, say his name out loud, so we can heal together....

Now that we got that out the way, I have a question. Did you allow these men to sour your feelings about men and relationships? Do you now categorized men with like attributes and assume they are the same? Did you analyze what you could have done to change the outcome of these experiences? If you've answered yes to any of these questions, you are still not in the minority. We all do it!! Ladies this is not how we should handle these instances, because what we are doing is punishing ourselves for mistakes we may have made, and a lot of times, the mistakes aren't ours to shoulder!!

Honestly, there is no way to ensure that a person you've just met is really there for YOU, and not what you can offer them at the time. You should definitely ask questions, and be honest with him as to what you really want. But please don't blame yourself, and carry the burden with you. If it doesn't work out the way you planned, that's okay. Heartbreak is a real thing, but so is self-reflection and self-love.  Don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself, get back out there!!! These lames that did you wrong weren't the men you were supposed to have in your life. No longer, than the moment, or season, that they existed in it. Learn from any mistakes that you did make, heal from the hurt, and move on. Remember, the most confident, and self assured woman has played the fool at one point in their life.

That being said, it's the weekend, enjoy a day at the spa, a night and the club, or just do whatever you need to, to keep that SWAAAAAGGGG DRIPPIN!!


D. Miller SistaGurl Capt. 
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