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Don't Tell Me You Love Me!

Rapmusiq wrote a piece about the how within relationships we can sometimes use the word love as a supplement for verbally expressing ourselves. I would like to take it a step further. The premature usage of the word, without action.

Today, I was sitting at work, a colleague that I have known for less than three months was leaving for the day. She said, “Bye, love you.” Funny story. It happens to me so often that this caused me no alarm. I simply said, “Okay Bye!” (Yes, she was looking dead at me, she did not seem shocked by it either). I did not reciprocate. I could have, but that would have been dishonest.

I value words. All words. Especially one that holds so much weight and security within it. It is a word I use carefully and thoughtfully. If I tell you I love you. I mean it, FOREVER. Regardless to whether the relationship/friendship ends or not. I will love you forever. I will travel to the ends of the earth for you, put myself in the path of vulnerability for you to damage me and or /love me and trust you with my secrets. I will gift you a part of what makes me whole.

For me, a few warm conversations and splitting a pizza does not designate a sentiment that I would use for my most treasured companions. We are just cool. I can't say there is a specific time in which you begin to care deeply for a person, but I do feel like the microwave generation we are in is allowing us to skip steps.

We are in such a desperate need for warmth that we are racing to catapult people who we would normally deem unworthy of our love; into undeserving categories. It is as if, loving someone is somehow hard work, so instead of exploring what it means to us, we have downgraded its value.

If any of you are like me, you have made incorrect assessments in the love department. You have trusted the unstable, and believed the words that were uttered and not the actions. “I am mean because I love you.” “ I just love you so much it hurts to spend time with you.” Someone actually said this to me for real. Foolishly I bought it. Why? As educated in the life department as I claimed to be, I needed love.
If I heard "I Love You" enough, I would manifest the feeling myself, even if it truly wasn't there from the person who said it.  
Chile I was so lost. So after that experience and many others, I really started to examine the actions and the phrasing in tandem. If someone loves you, they behave like someone who should. Because loving you, means that they know YOU. Well enough to know what hurts you, how you respond to stress and tragedy, and what makes you smile. If a person doesn't even know the base level of these things about you, there could be a few reasons why. Maybe you have not been truthfully expressing yourself. Or perhaps they didn't ask you, and you expected them to read your mind. Either way. This is not an unsolvable problem. It doesn't mean that they will never learn how to love you and vice versa. Or that the connection they have towards you cannot be enhanced, it just means you all have yet to arrive to that destination.


Love is at the end of packing your luggage, getting a ride to the airport, checking your bags, waiting for your flight to be called,  boarding the plane, and exiting the plane. Then. BAM. Love!
I am not saying that if you could teleport to your vacation you wouldn't enjoy it. But imagine what you miss along the way. The gratification of overcoming every checkpoint and layover is no longer there. You just somehow arrived to where you were going. Something you really needed is probably still at home, because you didn't put any thought to your travel, you just left. The experiences of life, are not meant to be rushed. Quick fixes never provide clarity or long lasting incentives.
So my point is simple. In the poetry sang by the late great balladeer Luther Vandross. Wait for love. It's what you’ve been missing. Sometimes love takes a long time. And you're going to get the chance to love. Wait for love!
Don't rush it Sista Gurls. It is destined for everyone. The longer the travel the more rewarding reaching your destination will be!


Capt SistaGurl Out!

Comments

  1. Love your post you have opened my eyes to seeing things differently with all you said.
    Have a lovely weekend
    www.mssparkleandglow.com

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