What's Love Got To Do With It?
When a guy says he loves you, he does not in fact LOVE you. Well, let me rephrase that. He does not love you in the grand, impassioned, fairy tale princess way that you are envisioning in your mind. It does not mean he will climb any mountain, cross any sea or slay a dragon for you. It doesn’t mean that he will tell you the truth, be there when you need him most or not have sex with another woman. It simply means that he recognizes something special, unique and beautiful in your spirit that he aspires to be a part of for some undetermined amount of time, to some undetermined degree.
This can be extremely confusing, because up until this point when a guy (boy or man) says he loves you for the first time, the type of love you’ve been most familiar with is the love of your parents (hopefully). This of course is assuming that you have had a healthy, functional and nurturing relationship with your parents. This doesn’t mean that they or (one of them) was perfect, but it does mean that they tried their hardest and did what they thought was best for you at the time. A wise woman once told me “No one will ever love you as much as your parent.” Now I know this statement is not true across the board for a variety of reasons. However, as a broad brush statement, I believe it is true. And I say this to say that for women particulary young women, this sets the standard for the type of love we expect from a man, which in many cases he is not prepared to show.
This is an unfortunate disconnect. It leaves girls/women feeling disappointed and the boy/man feeling set up and confused. And what’s worst in some cases, some woman are looking for, from a man a replacement of the type of love that they did not receive in their home, which is even more difficult to attain. Many of these men man not have had this type of love in their own homes. Some of them may have but have trouble translating love from an emotion to action. Many people do not understand love as a verb. Love is like eating. You may have a breakfast but by lunch you are ready to eat again and if you don’t you are able to feel your own hunger.
I give this warning to encourage you to take his words and sentiment with a grain of salt. Meaning, don’t be dismissive of his words or feelings. But I also suggest allow them to be just that words and emotions. This doesn’t mean an elevated level of commitment, trust or expectation. Allow his actions, communication, honesty, character and time to elevate these critical relationship components. Many men will love you in your lifetime, most of them will not know how.
|Love and Relationships|
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